Epilogue
August 2008
4th August, 2008
Even after such a long time, sometimes, Serena would wonder whether Sam had made that decision, the decision to deny everything, not to admit anything that he truly did, did he do it as easy as breathing? In that whole event, Sam never really cared how she felt. He just chose other things over her all the time.
Sam could deny everything that he has once said to Serena, he could just make them vanish without giving a damn about it. How much Serena wished that he would tell her that everything was going to be ok, none of them were real.
In a few months time, Serena gained so much. However, in a few days time, she lost damn much. It was never like what it was wanted. Everything happened so fast and it ended fast. She wondered how stupid was she to trust, and got fooled by Sam. Trusted Sam was really her first mistake.
During these four months, at first Serena still cared about what was happening to Sam, she always glanced at him from time to time, but as time went by, she no longer felt the need to do so, she started not to care, she started to take Sam as a person who has never existed in her life, even though Serena and Sam were studying in the same class, in the same school, but never did they look or speak to each other. They took each other as invisible.
That day Serena had a meeting with a couple of teachers to talk about the school opening day that would hold next month. After two hours of discussion, the meeting was finally over. At first, Serena planned to have lunch at home but she changed her mind when she walked down the stairs.
The school outdoor basket ball court was situated at the left corner of the school campus. The sound of the basketball dunking in was heard. Echoes were everywhere. Obviously, the one playing was an expert. Serena peeked at the court. He was approaching the basket in a very high speed with the ball in hand. He jumped and slam-dunks. Serena felt her lungs were screaming for air when she finally released the breath, she did not realized she had been holding her breathe since she entered the court.
Sam was playing basketball. Serena gasped the moment she made out who the person was. She wanted to run but she could not, her body had other thought.
Everyday, she would go to the court after school, she never want to back to the dorm at once, she would always wander on the streets for a while before getting back, every day, she was hoping that Sam would follow her and then finally talked to her. But she knew perfectly clear that this would never happen because this would always be a wish, it would never come true.
Déjà vu.
That sucked.
Serena finally turned around and left. Hoping that Sam did not see her. She walked out of the campus and headed to the dorm. Serena tried so hard not to think about Sam, but it was so hard, she loved him.
Why can’t we be together? I love him so much but why was he doing that to me!? She thought.
Serena was so in her own world, she did not realize that she was no longer walking along the pavement. She had made a right and subconsciously stepped onto the street, and in record time, someone broke in a run and heading towards her at a very high speed, when Serena started to cross the street, that person shouted and grabbed her arm, “Watch out!” It came from a voice, the voice, which was so familiar, it had been so long since the last time Serena heard it, but still, she could remember it so clearly, she missed it so much. She turned around and looked at Sam.
“Are you ok!?” Sam panted, swallowed hard and asked with concerned.
“I…I’m okay.” Serena nodded, she was totally stunned. She was shaking real bad as she spoke and she could not control herself, she wanted to stop her body from trembling but her body just did not listen to her. Her eyes were wild and scared. Serena looked so panicked that it brought tears to her eyes when Sam started talking.
“Serena! You could have been hit if a car was coming!” Sam said half shouted, he looked at her sullenly, “Sweetie, I’m sorry.” Sam then apologized, he looked at Serena, and he wished she would forgive him.
“Don’t. Call. Me. Sweetie, you don’t love me at all.” Serena whispered, her eyes met Sam, she then took a deep breath, after regaining her composure, she said, “Besides, there is nothing to be sorry of, everyone has emotions, right?” Serena’s voice was thick with sarcasm.
“NO! I’m so sorry for EVERYTHING! I shouldn’t deny, I should’ve told people the truth!” Sam said as he was choking on words and shaking his head. “Please. I miss you, so much.” Sam pleaded.
Serena stared at him; “But you did and everyone thinks that it was a scum, and I’m the stupid girl who made it up!” She said, choking back the tears that were lumped in her throat and respond to Sam. “Sam Parker, how the hell could you!? You looked me in the eye and told me you loved me! So, why the hell would you deny!?” Serena did not bother to mind her mouth anymore, she shouted as her tears finally fell.
Sam looked penitent but still she just could not accept him, she turned to him again.
“You said forever and always, you made those promises in the diner, on my birthday and in
Sam opened his mouth but closed it again, he knew he was wrong to do that, but he also knew that the promises he made were real. He was not lying. He sighed and began, “Serena, I know, I’m so so sorry, please, forgive me. I love you I really do.” Sam said, he felt so screwed right now. He knew there was nothing he could do to make things right again. “I know I’m selfish to make the decision myself of not talking to you. I thought it was the best way, ignore you for good. I want you to get over with what have happened. But until now, I can tell that you haven’t got over with it, not at all.”
Sam whipped a river of tears which was making its way down Serena’s cheeks. She stepped back.
“Sam, you really think I don’t want to be with you? But I honestly don’t know what to believe!” Serena took a deep breath and continued, “You know something? When people dig in, they wanna come between us. You don’t ever, never walk away from it, you should stay with it. But you didn’t. Everything that Nancy and everyone did or said, they all hurt! But you never stood up to protect me, never! And they just kept on attacking! You just comfort me but you never protect me from getting hurt at the first place!” Serena let out a laugh and added, “Last time you were even worst, you did not do anything other than denying!” she shouted, she did not know what to say, but she just had to let everything she wanted to say to come out once and for all. “What the fuck is wrong with you!?” She yelled for the once last time and punched him at the chest.
Sam brought his hand to his chest, but ignored the pain, he knew he deserved that.
“Serena… please, I didn’t mean to, I wanna tell you the truth all this time.” Sam whispered as he was looking at her with watery eyes pleading for her to say yes, say yes that she would forgive him. But nothing he said could change Serena’s mind.
“Quit making excuses for yourself, if you wanna let me know the truth, I’m sure you’ll find a way to do so. When I wrote you that letter, I really am hoping that we can get back together, put everything behind, but—”.
Sam cut in, grabbing her arms, refused to let Serena go.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come to you, I’m sorry. I thought if I stay out of your life, you’ll be okay soon. But I don’t see how good that worked out and I’m just too tired to stay away from you, I can’t do this anymore.”
Serena struggled to free from Sam’s grip but in vain, Sam went on. “I won’t care what
Serena protested as Sam grabbed her arm, she shook his hand off and said, “How do I know you are not lying?”
“No, you don’t.” Sam said, looking wounded.
Serena licked her lips and added, “How the hell do I know it is not some sort of a game? Some sort of a plan? You coming and asking for forgiveness and when I get back with you, you won’t break my heart again?”
“Serena…please, it’s not like that.”
“I don’t know, Sam.” Serena shook her head, “Besides,
Sam frowned and looked at Serena in doubt.
“I figured out the truth all along.”
“How?” Sam looked as white as a sheet.
“Don’t insult my intelligent!” Serena shot him a dead glare. “After I overheard the last few lines of the conversation you and Nancy had the other day, it’s not hard to put things together!” Serena explained.
Sam’s jaw dropped, “Gosh, I’m so sorry.” he didn’t know else could be said.
“Since then I’ve given you every opportunity to tell me the truth but you chose to keep your mouth shut! You chose to avoid me!” Serena yelled at him, the anger came from both mad at Sam and upset about the entire thing.
“I don’t know how to tell you…”
“Then why are you here? Why are you even here now since it’s so hard to tell me the truth!?” Serena snapped.
Sam opened his mouth but then closed it.
“After months—months, you come back and think it’s going to be ok for saying sorry!?”
Sam shook his head, “No, I don’t.”
“You know what, if you choose to let me know the entire reason, I can really disappear right in front of you, our relationship can be over and we can still be friends, I really can do so because I want you to be happy, and because I know Nancy is like a sister to you, family, I understand!” Serena shook her head and continued, “I’m not sure if we can get back together, well, maybe in the future, but not right now, you should have think twice before doing anything, you can’t just go ahead and do whatever you want then turn around telling people how sorry you are. It won’t work!”
Sam looked at Serena; he did not know what to say.
“You didn’t come to me after you got the letter but still I’ve been waiting for you every single day! I kept telling myself that you will come to me, and talk to me for real, not in my dream or anything, but I was so wrong!”
Sam opened his mouth but Serena didn’t let him say anything, she just continued.
“Now what!? You come to me after four months!? Took you long enough to make a decision! If we get back together right now, I’m sure you will just choose others over me one day.” Serena said as she took a step back, backing away from Sam.
“Do you know how hard it was when you did that? And with my mind kept reminding me of what you said to me, saying that you love me and want to be with me, but those are so unreal to me now. Do you know how it’s been for me during these months!? Do you have any idea?” Serena said with her eyes wide.
“I thought I’ve truly let go of you, but I haven’t, deep down, I was still thinking of you, every minutes!”
Sam just looked at her; he did not know what else he could say.
“Everything is over, from the moment you choose to deny, it’s truly over.” Serena said as a river of tears making its way down her cheeks.
Sam opened his mouth to speak but closed it when Serena raised her finger, asking him not to start anything. Then she added, “I can’t take this anymore, despite I can let go of you or not.” Saying this was like a razor-sharp pierces. Sam took a step forward and his eyes searched for Serena’s and he gently whipped her tears, this time Serena didn’t protested. Sam pulled her into a hug and pressed his lips on Serena’s. Serena did not back off, she kissed him back and then she pulled him back just enough to lock eyes with him.
“Sam, I’ll miss you.” Serena said, a pain pierced through the general region of her chest, tears fell. She turned around and raised her head, watching the sun passed over the sky and finally fell behind the horizon, and she walked away slowly.
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