Here you go. Chapter 2.
Chapter 2
September 2008
The msn messenger popped up automatically when Serena went online. She glance at the friend contact list and was confused of what she saw in the personal message of Sam.
Sam -start to miss u
Serena frowned at the screen, wondering who he was talking about.
Sam -I’m missing u now
The next day was like any other day but perhaps something weird happened and Serena could not understand how that all happened.
Serena- I’m happy of knowing u.
Serena did not type it on purpose. She did not mean anything, she just typed that. But Sam seemed to be replying.
Sam- me?
When Serena saw that, she was confused. Therefore, she claimed that she was talking to him.
Serena- yes
Sam- then.
Serena- it’s true, it’s you.
Sam- then…..what to do?
Serena rolled her eyes when she saw that. She started to type.
Serena- what are we doing? Why aren’t we friends?
Serena stared at the monitor, waiting for his reply, Sam replied few minutes later.
Sam- take a rest
Serena frowned.
Serena- huh? Did I misunderstand sth? Are you talking to me?
Sam- guess
Seeing this, she knew that was Sam talking. Asking people to guess but would never tell you the answer was what Sam love to do.
Serena- yes, you are.
Sam- feel better?
Serena- so confused
Sam- me?
That reply did not make sense at all. Serena signed. And that was the last reply from Sam.
Serena was incredibly confused after the so-called msn personal message chat with Sam. She felt like she was talking to a nut job who never could understand what others were talking about and who could never give out a correct answer that people could actually understand. Serena asked that and Sam answered this. But she knew that was the Sam who did not want to answer the question. She knew him too well. But too well that sometimes she felt like she actually did not know him at all.
Sam really wanted to answer the question, he wanted to tell Serena how much he missed her and how much he regretted for what he had done and how sorry he was. He knew he had said those like a million times but still he wanted to say it. But everything was just useless; he knew that, he was such a jerk for confusing Serena once again. He should never do that. He had to try hard to control his emotions and doings from now on.
*
Serena stared out of the window with her fingers playing with the straw and stirred the drinks even when bubbles kept coming up, the heart shaped charm bracelet was swinging.
“Say something, Serena!” Joanna said as she waved her hand in front of Serena’s eyes. The movement caused Serena to snap out of her trance and she looked at Joanna.
“Huh?” Serena turned to look at Joanna.
“You’re so…. quiet, I didn’t ask you to come and sit.” Joanna complained.
“Nothing.” Serena said and stared down at her drink.
“Serena, you know you can tell me anything.” Joanna said, suddenly became serious. She reached across the table for her hand.
“I’m okay, really.” Serena looked up and replied with a smile.
“It’s about Sam again, isn’t it?” Joanna asked straight to the point.
“Mmm.” Serena murmured vaguely and turned back to her drink.
“What’s it this time?”
“He …ah…kinda talked to me through the msn personal message, and he called me few days ago.”
Serena told Joanna everything, every single word that appeared on the messages.
“I know it’s just a few lines but he got my hopes up.” Serena said as she took a sip of her drink.
“Well, it’s a good start.”
“I know he wanted to be back with me but I turned him down because I was too upset. But now I wanna be back with him and he asked me to take a damn rest! What does that mean?”
Joanna shook her head and said, “I don’t know. Maybe he thinks it will be better if you two take a rest?” Serena rolled her eyes but Joanna didn’t see that.
Serena shook her head, “He wanna to get back with me and right now I’m ready for it, but then why he gotta turned me down!” she said, almost shouting.
“Serena! Stop it! He’s not turning you down. Maybe he needs to make sure you won’t get hurt when getting back with him! You can’t know what’s on his mind, he’s always so unpredictable!” Joanna said, tried to calm Serena down and reasoned with her.
Serena sighed loudly and Joanna continued, “Don’t worry about that, I’m sure things will turn out ok.”
Serena forced a smile, “I wish.”
“Now I got a surprise for you.” Joanna said, taking out her cell phone, she made a call.
“Hey, you here?” Joanna asked the person talking on phone with her. “Ok, you can join us now.” she said and hung up.
Joanna smiled at Serena and then turned to the entrance of the restaurant. A girl probably the same age as Serena and Joanna was walking in. She was dressing in jeans and a red Addidas tee-shirt. She was taller than Joanna but a lot shorter than Serena.
Jasmine Carter.
She was a best friend of Serena. She studied in the same high school with Joanna, Sam and Serena. But due to the new jobs that her parents got, their whole family moved to New York last year. Finally, Jasmine argued with her parents and they agreed to let her come back to West High.
“OH MY GOSH! Jas?” Serena got to her feet and gave her big hug.
“It’s so nice to see you, S.” Jasmine said, and she hugged back.
“I miss you so much! I’m so glad to have you back!” Serena said happily.
“Yeah, me too. So how have you been doing?” Jasmine asked as she pulled Serena back and sat down next to Joanna.
“Same old same old.”
“Well, that’s not what I can see from your face.” Jasmine frowned at Serena.
“Uh…relationship stuff.” Serena said reluctantly.
“Oh, you gotta fill me in every detail.” Jasmine smiled cunningly. She ordered a Frappuccino and then Joanna and Serena started to tell Jasmine about things happened last year.
Jasmine put down her drink and said, “Sam’s such a jerk! How could he do that? Oh wait, what’s the girl’s name again?”
“Nancy”
“Right, Nancy. She’s such a bitch! What’s her problem?” Jasmine said red in anger.
Serena and Joanna exchanged eyes contact and shook their heads.
“S. don’t you worry; I won’t let Sam hurt you. You have my word!” Jasmine said seriously.
“You have my word too.” Joanna promised.
“Thanks guys.”
*
J: Ice skating, you coming?
Serena: Who’ll be going?
J: Us.
Serena: Who’s us….?
J: Me, Jas, Faith, Lax and you know…..us
Serena: I mean, is he going?
J: Sam? Yes, he is.
Serena: Um…I’m not sure.
J: Oh, c’mon, girl! It’s gonna be ok! Nothing will happen.
Serena: Does he know I might be going too?
J: Yes, I told him I’ll ask you.
Serena: Um…
J: Serena, please…let’s have some fun together, just ignore him. Please???
Serena: Okokok, whatever!
J: Hehe XD. See you at 4. You know the place right?
Serena: Yeah.
Jp: Good, see ya!
Serena had not seen Sam after early August, after he came and apologized; and he had been taking her as invisible on the first day of school, she did not know how she would feel when she saw him again. She was feeling really okay during summer; she wished school never started so she would not have to see Sam. She did not know how to deal with him. She hoped everything would be ok like what Joanna said.
*
The Ice-skating stadium was not crowded today, but most of them were experts, they were skating here and there as fast as wind.
When Serena put on the ice skating shoes, she started to panic. The last time she skated was two years ago, and that was her first time. She stared at the ice, wondering how many times she would fall over today.
Uh…suck it up! Serena told herself.
Joanna, Faith, Lax and Sam were already in the stadium, skating so fast, obviously they were the experts. Serena wondered why Sam never thought of teaching her to skate last year! Serena walked to Jasmine who just came out of the restroom.
“Hey, Jas! You gotta help me!”
Jasmine looked at her and her eyes narrowed.
“Dammit! Do you know how to skate honestly!?” Jasmine asked as she was holding Serena’s hand, leading her to skate. Serena skated like a tortoise which maybe a little bit better because tortoise did not skate.
“Uh…not really.” Serena forced a smiled and continued to skate with the help of Jasmine. When Jasmine moved, she moved, she was so afraid of falling.
“Will you be okay if I let go?” Jasmine asked, looking at Serena, her eyes pleading her to say yes.
“I guess.” Serena replied and immediately Jasmine let go of her and she skated away.
“Oh shit!” Serena whispered; she skated slowly, step by step, hoping not to fall, she knew there was no way she could get up by herself if she really did fall down.
Joanna and Sam were slating happily, hand in hand, laughing happily and Sam skated in circles around her, sometimes his hands would be on her waist and she would be flying in the air, her laughter could be heard miles away.
Serena was glad she finally got used to skate on the ice. At least she did not fall since Jasmine let go. She was skating really slow, not fun at all, and she started to accelerate a bit.
“Wow, awesome.” She smiled and accelerated just a little bit more, she skated to the very far corner and she felt her hair stood on end. The ice was so slippery, she could not stop, panic started to grow inside her. She wanted to call Jasmine for help but she was no where near her. She was not in any control at all; she knew exactly what would happen next, she was going to crush into the wall and that would hurt like hell, but she did not think she could stop it from happening.
Bang!
Everything was spinning.
“Aw...am I on a marry-go-round? No. I was skating and I lost control.” Serena was confused; she brought her hands to her head, “Ah…must’ve hit the head.” She squeezed her eyes then opened it, she was glad her head was not bleeding. She saw the others were still skating; they had not yet noticed her little accident.
Great.
She did not need any of her friends laughing at her. She tired to push herself up but she immediately sat back down.
Damn.
Everything was spinning way too fast. She could not focus, her sight was blurred. She took deep breathes, she just had to wait until things stop spinning before getting up. She breathed in and out slowly, she heard blades slicing into the ice, and they were coming to her direction in a high velocity. She wanted to move away, in case someone liked her lose control and crushed into her; she so did not want that to happen.
“Are you ok!?” Someone asked her.
A guy.
Serena opened her eyes. Sam was kneeing down next to her with a hand on her shoulder. She stared at him for a long moment, “Serena?” Sam waved one hand in front of her, and at the same time shaking her shoulder gently.
Serena blinked, swallowed the thump in her throat and said, “No, I…ah…hit my head…ah…everything is spinning.” Serena told him; rubbing the back of her head.
“C’mon, get up, let me have you checked up. I hope you won’t get a concussion.” Sam put her arm around his shoulder and the other hand on her waist, supporting her.
Serena heard Sam was talking to her, but she did not make out any of them. “Oh shit, stop.” Serena whispered, but was loud enough for Sam to hear. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping things would stop spinning.
Jasmine’s eyes went wide when seeing Serena fell over; she started to skate towards her right away but was stopped by Joanna the very moment.
“Sam’s there.” she said to Jasmine.
Jasmine nodded and skated to the opposite direction, further away from Serena. She knew if things turned out ok, Sam and Serena might be able to be together again soon.
“Breathe in, out, in and out.” Sam said his grip tight on her waist. Following Sam’s leading, Serena breathed in and out slowly, “Yeah, that’s it, feeling better?” he asked, his voice in concern.
Serena opened her eyes slowly; she looked around, finally she was not seeing triple people, things were not spinning anymore. She turned back to look at Sam in the eye, “Yeah, thanks.” Serena smiled, “I think I can take it from here.”
However, Sam was not planning to let go, his grip tightened on her waist. “No, I’m not too sure about that. I don’t want you to have ANY accident.” Sam smiled a bit. Placing a hand under Serena’s knees, and another under her arms, Sam lifted her up and started to skate slowly.
“Hey!” Serena cried, “What’re you doing?” she was surprised by his action. She was struggling, and Sam saw it, the bracelet was still on her waist. She was still wearing. Sam smiled.
“Helping you, you don’t know how to skate.”
Serena shot him a dead glare.
Sam continued with laugher, “Well, at least that’s what I can see, so better let me do you a favor.” He said with his eyes looking straight into hers. Serena locked eyes with him but then quickly looked away. She tried to hold the tears that threatened to spill over. She wanted to cry, but it was not because she fell over or she was in pain, she was just way to upset about the past. The things that she did not want to experience again happened.
Déjà vu.
Sam said the exact same thing when she fell over a year ago. Coming to skate was a huge mistake after all. All the memories were coming back like a punch; Serena would not be able to stop it anymore.
“Are you sure you don’t wanna go to the hospital?” Sam asked, walking her to his Volvo. Sam had offered to drive her home even though Serena refused. He missed her so much, he wanted to help her and make sure she was okay after hitting her head. He was scared some other kind of accident would happen and he would hate himself for letting it happened.
“I’m sure. I just wanna go home.” Serena smiled and looked away. She could not look at Sam anymore. She had been avoiding eye contact since they left the stadium. It hurt every time she looked at him. She could see memories glittering in his eyes.
“Ok, then I’ll drive you home.” Sam said, he knew Serena hated hospital but still he got to ask. He wished they could have more to talk about, but he knew they would not have and that was his entire fault.
“Thanks.” Serena said and got into the car. She put on the seatbelt and then immediately closed her eyes, her head hurt, and the most important thing was that she did not know how to deal with Sam, being in the same car with him, she just did not know what anymore. And finally she chose not the deal with him.
Sam exhaled loudly when seeing Serena’s head resting against the window, obviously that was a sign telling Sam not to disturb her. He understood perfectly why she did not want to talk to him, or even try to start a conversation with him. That was normal. She must have hated him. Sam punched the key into the ignition and started to drive off.
It’s gonna be a long drive. Sam thought.
The Volvo pulled at the pink building. Sam turned to Serena and shook her gently, “Hey, wake up.”
Serena stirred and turned to face him, “Huh?” At first she was just trying to pretend to be sleeping, but at last, she fell asleep.
“We’re here. Do you want me to go up with you?” Sam looked at her, he was worried.
Serena blinked, “Oh, no. I can really take it from here. Thanks.” She said and pushed open the passage seat.
“ ‘night.” Sam forced a weak smile.
“ ‘night.” Serena got off the car, and walked straight to the dormitory, never looking back.
Sam watched her disappeared into the building then took off.
The shiny star shape rock with a silver chain was lying at the front seat, shining there without noticed.
*
Serena swung her legs off the bed, finding her trek to the living room in the dark. She searched for the phone on the couch. After Sam drove her home, they just said their goodbyes and Serena immediately went straight up to her apartment, she was glad that Sam did not go up with her. She could not deal with so much SAM in one day. She just could not. It hurt to be with Sam when he was not the one she knew anymore.
“Where’s it!?” Serena asked herself. She threw the cushions off the couch, and there it was, the phone was lying betwixt the arm and the mattress. She flipped it open at once, not bothered to take a look at who’s calling her at midnight.
“ ‘Alo?”
“Hey Serena.” Jasmine said her voice in concern.
“Jas, it’s middle of the night, so you better have something important to tell me!” Serena yawned; she picked up the cushions from the floor and put them back on the couch.
“I’m sorry. I just wanna make sure you are okay? Did you hurt yourself today? I saw you hit the wall pretty hard.” Jasmine felt guilty for not going to Serena when she fell, but she knew that Sam was there helping her, she did not have to be there and ended the rare conversation they had. But still the guilt had been killing her, so at last she called.
“Ah…my head hurts like hell.” Serena told her, and was surprised by what she heard, “Wait! You knew that? Why didn’t you come and help me!?”
There was a pause.
Jasmine did not say anything.
“Jas….?” Serena pressed her voice low but hard.
“I’m sorry. I saw Sam was coming to you so I ……” Jasmine confessed.
“Huh, how thoughtful!” Serena said with sarcastic.
“So how’s it with Sam?” Jasmine was trying to change the topic.
“Nothing, he’s like a nice guy helping the needy.” She rolled her eyes even though Jasmine could not see. What would happen between Sam and her anyway!
“Oh, don’t say that.”
“Well…déjà vu. I hate that!”
“I’m sorry.”
“Never mind. I knew this will happen sooner or later but I never expect it to be that soon.” Serena said, getting up from the couch and walked back to her bedroom.
“It’ll get easier.”
Serena sat on the bed, “I prefer either we don’t have any interference, no talking at all, or we get back together. I can’t deal with anything in between. I just can’t.” Serena told Jasmine. It was really true, if she preferred the middle of these two, it would only be a torture to her again, let alone she was suffering already.
“Only Sam can do that. Make things right again—”
Serena cut her off, “But he will never do that. Trust me, I know him.”
“Serena…”
“I don’t wanna talk about that. I’ll see you tomorrow, Night.” Serena said and hung up.
“Serena!” Jasmine said but the line was already dead.
Serena curled back on the bed; she pulled her knees to her chest and starting to toy with the bracelet that she had never taken off even after breaking up with Sam. Her heart sunk. It was missing. It was not there on her waist this time.
“Where is it?” she muttered, she searched the bed but was in vain, she searched everywhere, but it just could not be found.
She sat down on the bed once again; she could not believe she lost it, the precious little thing Sam gave her. She shook from the pain, the pain throbbing in her chest, the pain of knowing Sam would never be there to tell her everything’s going to be ok, the pain of knowing Sam would never call no matter how long she stared at the phone. Sam would never be there to wipe her tears away, her tears ran down like razor blades but he would not be there for her anymore, because it was over. She opened the drawer and took out the bottle of painkiller; she popped three little white meds into her mouth and swallowed it dry. She lay onto the bed and slowly drifted off into a restless sleep.
*
Sometimes I wake up crying at night and sometimes I screamed up your name……
Serena jumped and looked away from the laptop screen and stared at her cell phone which was lying on the bed. Days ago she was telling herself that he would never call, but now seemed like it was not that over, yet. She picked it up from the bed.
Sam’s calling.
Serena stared at it for a long moment before pressing the answer button.
“ ’alo?” Serena said, pretended to sound as she did not know who was calling.
“May I speak to Serena?” Sam said as if he was it was the first time he called her.
“Go ahead.” Serena said, choking out the words to be accurately.
“I’m Sam Parker.”
Serena’s hand shook causing the phone to shake as well when she heard Sam’s voice. “Uh huh?”
That was all Serena could say. She was wondering whether she was hallucinating.
“Um, are you in charge of the invitation of the school reopening ceremony on Monday?” Sam asked casually.
“Yes.” Serena replied, and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down and to sound casual.
“I’m wondering if I could not attend that mass because I will not be available on that day.” Sam explained simply not even bother to say any other things.
“Ok, sure, I’ll cancel your name on the list.” Serena’s voice shook. Sam heard the change in her voice but he didn’t say anything about it.
“Thanks, night.”
There was a click and the line went dead. Serena was still holding the phone with her shaky hand; she was not quite back to reality, yet. It was like a dream, it happened too fast. She was surprised and as well as upset for Sam called her. Serena burst into tears all of a sudden. Her heart hurt. The way they talked just now was like strangers. They used to chat happily and talked like lovers and much closed friends, but now, they were both strangers. Or maybe worst.
Sam wanted to say more, he did not want to just talk about school stuff; he felt so stupid and awkward to talk about just that, usually they would talk about a lot of stupid and useless things before really talking about the important thing, but now, it was totally a reverse. Sam wanted to as Serena how she had been; he wanted to do that so badly. But the moment he opened his mouth to speak, he stopped; he was stopped because he remembered Serena telling him that they could not be together anymore. He felt so upset about that; he could not believe Serena actually say that. He just did not know what he should do, let alone he could not do anything. He really did miss her so much; none of them could imagine that they would end like that.
