Just because....

Here you go. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

January 2009

Sam took the bracelet out, looking at it; he remembered how happy it was with Serena. He missed her so much. He wanted to give it back to her, but a thought came to his mind.

I can’t do anything to have Serena think that there is still hope anymore. Having that bracelet with her, she can never forget about me.

After getting into a fight with Nancy and Lax, Sam thought everything over. All the things that he did to Serena in the past were wrong, maybe getting into a relationship with her was a mistake already, he shouldn’t have let that happened at the first place.

Sam realized that he should not let his temptation got so many over on him, what he did to Serena on the train despite she knew or not, and the kiss they had in the hallway of the hotel, all these had to stop. Sam was going to end it once and for all; he could not hurt the person he loved, not anymore.

*

The bell had rung, finally after a day’s lesson; Serena could go back to her dorm and relax. She walked out of the classroom with books in her arms; she grabbed her bag from the locker and then went to the bus stop. She had been waiting there for twenty minutes; still the bus had not come yet. She gave up and started walking back to the dorm. Since it was just a 20 minutes walk so she would take it as exercising. Serena turned around as she heard the Volvo’s horn, and it pulled up in front of her.

“Serena?” Sam called with his body half lying out of the window.

Serena walked to the Volvo; she looked at Sam and smiled.

“Are you free tonight?” Sam asked, his eyes were pleading her to say yes.

Serena stared at him for a few seconds, for the moment she did not know what to say. Should she say yes, or should she say no? She looked at him in the eye and knowing he was waiting, finally she nodded.

“Can you meet me at King’s? I wanna talk to you.” Sam said with the sound of relieve.

Serena was surprised that Sam asked her out, “Uh…Ok, 7:30?” she asked, she wanted to say more than that, but her mouth could not make out another word.

“Great. See you later.” Sam said, turned back to the road and drove away. Serena was still standing there; it seemed like her mind had stopped functioning, she did not know what had happened just now.

Did Sam just ask me out? She thought to herself.

After a while, she was back to reality, she shook her head and entered the dorm.

*

Sam was sitting at the table round the corner, where Serena could see him; she took a deep breath then entered the restaurant. Sam waved at her as she entered. She walked to him, took off her jacket and sat down. The waiter approached them and settled the menu. Sam pushed it toward Serena. She picked it up and studied it but she put it down seconds later, “We’ll order later.” Serena said and half-smiled to the waiter.

The waiter nodded politely and walked away. Sam looked at Serena but he did not say anything. He knew she was not feeling easy meeting him, no matter what, it would not feel good, and everything was just not the same anymore. Serena stared at her hands, waiting for Sam to say something and when he did not; she raised her head and looked up at him.

“Let’s talk.” Serena said in a calm tone; her gaze meeting him.

Sam sighed and began, “Look Serena, I’m sorry for I’ve been hurting you all this time. You didn’t deserve that.”

Serena said with a shake of her head, “No, I didn’t. Can you stop saying how sorry you are, it’s useless. Sam, I still lo--” she was cut off by Sam.

“Well, I know I’m somehow torturing you by giving you false hope, but I won’t anymore.” Sam said and lowered his head.

Serena frowned; she was not sure what Sam was talking about. “What do you mean?” she whispered confusion laced in her voice.

“I’m not going to hurt you again. Tonight will be the last time of me doing so.” Sam told her.

Serena looked at him, unable to get what he meant.

“After tonight, I’m going to stay out of your life for real.” Serena’s mouth dropped open. She did not know what to say.

“Are you leaving?” Serena asked; she felt like the whole world had crushed down around her.

“No, I’m not, it’s just, I’ll find a way to not make you get hurt by seeing me all the time. Out of sight, out of mind, right?” Sam paused and looked at her, trying to study her expression.

“I understand it will be hard for both of us at first, but this is also good for us. I want you to forget about me and move on.” He reached across the table for her hand. Serena’s eyes flew to her hand. She wanted to move away but deep down she knew she wanted it this way. Her hand stayed in his.

“You do that because you want to move on as well, right?” Serena asked, trying to convince herself that Sam did that because he wanted to move on; he did that because of himself but not some others.

Sam frowned and answered, “I guess.”

Serena nodded and asked, “Does that mean you will be with Nancy?” she asked under her breath but still loud enough for Sam to hear.

Sam hesitated, obviously trying to find the right answer that would not hurt Serena too much, but there was none. He said deadpan with a nod, “Yes.”

Serena exhaled loudly; she turned away from Sam, unable to meet his eyes, tears threatening to spill over. She felt the warm of his hand, still holding her hand gently. But she could not stand it anymore, not after knowing Sam would be with Nancy, she moved away and subconsciously placed it on the no-bracelet waist. Sam moved back his hand. Serena swore that Sam had a disappointed look, but should he? After all, he was the one screwing everything up.

“Can I ask you one last thing?” Serena asked, trying keeping the tears at bay.

Sam licked his lips and replied, “Anything.” He would say yes of course, he wanted to do one last thing for her. Looking at Serena, tears were building up in her hazel eyes; Sam felt his heart was bleeding.

“Do you ever love me?” Serena whispered, trying to hide the sadness building up in her heart. She suddenly remembered the dream she had the other night, the scene was replaying in her mind, she remembered in that dream Sam told her that he was playing her, he was never serious with her. But she wished it really was just a dream, Sam did once love her.

“I...ah…” Sam started, with sorry in his eyes. Serena sighed and put a finger up, telling Sam to stop.

Serena whispered, “Never mind, I… got it.” A large drop of salt water rolled slowly down Serena’s cheek; she wiped it away at once hoping Sam didn’t see that.

For a long moment, they did not speak.

“Let me drive you home.” Sam offered and broke the silent.

Serena shook her head and stood up, “No thanks. I wanna be alone. Goodbye Sam.” Serena swallowed and turned to walk out of the restaurant, a river of tears making its way down her cheeks. Saying goodbye to Sam was a razor-sharp pierces. This goodbye; Serena knew that it was really goodbye. Everything was truly over. Serena paused at the front door for one last, wistful look at Sam before walking out into the night. Sam had his head down; his fingers ran through his hair. He tugged into his pocket for the bracelet, he wondered when he could put it on her waist again, he glanced up; but Serena was gone, long gone.

*

Serena did not know where she was going; tears went in hot, salty rivers down her face. She did not have the faintest idea how to rebuild her just crashed world. She knew after she walked out on Sam this time, everything came to an end.

She sat down on the bench and started to cry. She did not know what to do. Twice, Serena walked out on him, and twice she literally ended the relationship. She was if it was a mistake that she did not get back with Sam when he asked for forgiveness, and now she felt that she had turned down the chance back there.

Again.

That day they broke up.

Months of relationship vanished.

She was a pretty. Every man around her toppled over for her.

During these eight months, she only loved him.

Only him.

But again she could not accept the fact that he had once left her.

Broke her heart.

Now, Sam himself told her that he would not be with her anymore, he would be with Nancy. How was Serena going to deal with that? She wanted to have something to prove that what Sam and she had was real, they were not a dream, but the only thing that could tell her that was gone. The bracelet was gone. That’s just too much.

It’s not like Serena had not hurt by Sam before. Indeed she had. But why she felt even more painful this time?

Is it because Sam told me himself that he will be with Nancy? She asked herself.

Or is it because she knows that this time is truly the end of everything?

She was so confused.

Isn’t Nancy and Sam cousins? How can they be together? Serena wondered.

What the hell was going on!? She did not know. It seemed like she had been living in the world of dark all this time. She knew nothing.

School was never easy for Serena anymore. The third week in January was supposed to be happy for everyone. A whole new term, things were looking up. But somehow it was not happy for Serena. Being in the same class with Sam, Serena needed to pretend nothing had happened was so hard. The weeks of school, however were hellish.

Serena shut herself out from everyone. Jasmine and Joanna was confused by her actions. But no matter what, Serena just would not tell them what had happened. She always said she was busy with this and that and would run off the moment the bell rang. She never picked up the calls from Jasmine and Joanna. When they went to the dormitory to look for her, she would pretend she was not there and not answering the door. She did not know what she was doing was right or wrong. But right now, she did not want to deal with anything. She just wanted to be left alone, that’s all she needed right now. She went to school and attended the classes and when they were finished she would go straight back to the dorm.

After two weeks, she was exhausted; she was tired of running away from the friends who clearly were worrying sick about her. She knew she was selfish to do that. And she knew that it was time, she had to stop shutting herself out. It’s useless to keep doing that when it would not do any help. Besides, she knew Jasmine and Joanna deserved to know the truth. The moment she thought of what Sam told her in the restaurant, tears threatened to spill over. She picked up the phone and dialed.

*

“Joanna!” Serena sobbed through the phone.

“What’s wrong!?” Joanna asked in concerned when hearing Serena cried. Memory came back, Joanna remembered the last time Serena called her, crying, was because of what Sam had done to her.

“I’m sorry.” Serena started but was cut off by Joanna.

“What did he do this time!?” Joanna asked angrily, she couldn’t believe that this time was about Sam again, it was always Sam that made Serena cried like that.

“Can you come over, please?” Serena pleaded.

“Sure, do you want Jas? I can ask her to come as well.” Joanna asked as she walked out of the library to the bus stop.

“Yes, I want you both. I needa talk to you.” Serena sobbed.

“We’ll be here soon.” Joanna ended the phone and immediately dialed to Jasmine.

“Halo?” Jasmine said.

“Hey, something’s happened, I’m going to Serena’s, you think you can come as well?” Joanna said urgently.

“Sure. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” Jasmine said as she rushed out of the convenient store and went straight to the parking lot. She searched her car keys in the bag and got into the car. Her Chevy roared to life and she stamped on the accelerator and on her way to Serena’s.

*

“S, Open up!” Jasmine knocked loudly at the door and as well as kept pressing the bell.

“Serena? It’s me!” Jasmine shouted. The door opened and Serena threw herself in both Jasmine and Joanna’s arms.

“Oh, I’m so glad you guys come.” Serena cried. Serena released the hug and they entered the room.

“Tell us what happened.” Joanna and Jasmine asked at the same time as they found a seat on the couch. Serena sat opposite them.

“Sam asked me out three weeks ago.” Serena started but was cut off right away by Joanna.

“What!? Three weeks? Is that the reason why you start acting weird?” Joanna raised her eyebrows.

Serena nodded.

Joanna shook her head; she wondered what Sam did to her.

“So, Sam asked you out, then what happened?” Jasmine asked. Serena then told Joanna and Jasmine about the talk Sam and she had in the restaurant.

“What the hell is wrong with him? Why he gotta do that?” Jasmine yelled, standing up.

“Sam’s such an idiot. He never knows what’s the right thing to do.” Joanna commented she was so angry with Sam for what he said to Serena. Sam should never have said that.

“I don’t know. I thought I might get a chance to be with him, at least as a friend, because he has been nice to me all this time. But now this? I don’t know what he is thinking!” Serena said, tears ran down her cheeks.

“I tried so hard to forget about him, but he keeps showing up. I know I can never let go of him, but at least as time goes by, the feeling wasn’t as intense as before and I live easier. But with what he has been doing, being so nice to me, all the feeling just come back and I know I don’t have the power to push them away ever again. I don’t have the strength. I wanted to tell him that I still love him so much and I really wanna get back with him at all cost, even if I might get hurt anytime soon. But I never got the chance.” Serena blinked in tears.

“S….” Jasmine moved forward toward Serena and pulled her into a hug.

“Serena, you will get through this, I know you can.” Jasmine comforted.

“It’s easier said than done.” Serena whispered through tears.

“Serena, remember what happened last year?” Joanna said. Serena raised her head and nodded.

“It scars for life. How can I forget?” Serena replied.

“You did get through all of that. It was much harder than this but still you did. You got us; there is no way we will let you go through this alone.” Joanna promised.

Jasmine pulled Serena backed, “We promised.” Jasmine smiled.

“Thank you, so much. I’m sorry for shutting myself out again.” Serena said as she wiped her tears off her face.

Joanna smiled, “Just don’t ever do that again.”